I used to be a staunch proponent of having Christmas once every four years like the Olympics. But there's been a profound sea change, my friends. I have trumped all the pundits and economic geniuses. I have solved our economic and financial woes for good: have Christmas every month! You heard that right: celebrate Christmas each and every month of the year. Do you know what this would mean for retailers? Do you know how many more jobs this would create? It would completely save the Postal Service. Think of all those Christmas gifts and cards you'd be sending out every month. Do you realize you'd NEVER have to take down your holiday decorations ever again?
Think about how much you spend on Christmas and multiply it times 12. Sure it's a lot of dough (money), but you'd be helping to create permanent joy for your kids and grandkids, and helping to save our dead economy at the same time. Does it get any better? Talk about the Christmas Spirit!
And, for you shopaholics out there: it's your dream of a lifetime come true. You would be perpetually shopping for gifts. It would be Christmas Season everyday. Sales, sales, and more sales. Malls would be teaming with ecstatic shoppers (mostly women of course). Can you imagine all the good will? Santa Clause and the Reindeer all day, everyday. Think of how many more parades there'd be, and those ultra-cute school Christmas plays. Television Christmas specials around the clock. Maybe even TCC, The Christmas Channel would emerge. You could go Christmas caroling with all your friends till you're blue in the face and drunk on your butt all year long. Christmas bazaars and craft shows would rule the day. It would be a perpetual permanent potluck at the office, too. Wow.
And for all you holiday bakers out there: you'd never be bored: cookies, chocolate everythings, candy, breads, fruitcakes, pies and every Christmasy treat under the sun every month. Did I mention parties? OMG, it would be a nonstop extravaganza of holiday cheer the world has never seen: "Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, aye!" all night long, every month (at least). Can you imagine how awesome it would be to have Christmas in the summer? Christmas summer barbecues and block parties? Get out!
One exception: recorded Christmas music played in public or on the radio would only be allowed from after Thanksgiving until December 25th. Gotta have that rule.
No comments:
Post a Comment